New Year's Resolutions
by TeenageMutantNinjaHamster
Summary: Zim learns what New Year's is, and decides this day is a great opportunity for taking over the world. But how he plans on stopping the new year from coming is anyone's guess. Will Dib stop him in time? Will he even need to? One-shot.


Author's Note: This started out with me needing to write a new years fan fiction because of the date, and the Zim theme is simply because it was on TV as I decided to start typing. But now I'm four pages into this, and I'm really wishing I hadn't started it. *headdesk* Let's see if this ever gets uploaded, hmm?

Note: when you see "*" it either means a changing from what Zim is doing to Dib, vice versa, or some time is passing.

Invader Zim © Jhonen Vasquez

And if this is still in bold, IDK what to tell you…

New Year's Resolutions

"Gir!" The elevator had just taken Zim up to the house level of the base. He needed Gir's assistance on a very important project. Where had that blasted robot gotten to this time? Did he even want to know? Zim could hear the hyperactive sir's laughter coming from the kitchen.

"Gir-!" He was in his Earth disguise, standing on a chair next to the kitchen table with a bowl of something and a whisk. Some unidentified slop was splattered all over the walls and ceiling.

"What are you doing?"

Gir glanced at him and back at the bowl, then proudly exclaimed "I'm makin' mashed potatoes!"

"Ooookay…Whatever," he pushed aside the thought that this mess wouldn't get cleaned up any time soon. Zim hated the smell of human food. "Come with me to the lab, Gir, I have a very important task for you,"

Gir took off his dog costume. His eyes turned red, signaling he was being serious, "Yes, sir!" he saluted, and dove headfirst into the toilet-elevator as his eyes turned back to their usual blue-green color.

Zim sighed, and followed his hyperactive servant.

"***

"Gaz! Have you seen my Squid Launcher?" Dib trudged out of his room to see his sister watching a commercial for Pizza Hog with slightly less than her usual bored/annoyed expression.

"No," she growled.

"Graahg!" Dib went back to his room to search for his missing invention. He couldn't find it anywhere. To him, it seemed to have just disappeared. In fact, it was sitting in plain sight on top of the kitchen table.

Gaz sighed, and mumbled something about Dib under her breath. The TV went black for a second, before the World News logo appeared on the screen.

"_Welcome back, we're live in time square. Hundreds of people are already gathered to watch the ball drop later tonight…"_

"***

"Just make sure the pressure gauge stays in the red zone, got it, Gir?"

Red eyes, "Yes sir!" Blue eyes, "I can turn my head like an owl!" he rotated his head 360 degrees to prove it.

Zim did a classic face-palm. Gir didn't get it. He never got it. The pressure chamber in which he was performing the experiment would no doubt end up exploding on him. Maybe he should just scrap the whole thing, save the pain and repairs.

The doorbell upstairs rang. Zim didn't know whether to be annoyed or thankful that he had a distraction from his doomed experiment.

Zim put on his Earth disguise as the elevator brought him up to the House level. He looked through the window, using Gir as a step-stool, to see who his "guest" was.

It was Dib, the puny Earth child always trying to thwart his plans. _There _was a big surprise.

"What do you want, Dib," Zim said without opening the door, "Are you here to try your hand at stopping me? Or perhaps test out a new weapon that doesn't work?"

"Actually, Zim, I have a little present for you," Dib's muffled reply came.

"Present?" Zim opened the door slowly, "What are you-?"

"EAT SQUID, ALIEN!" Dib yelled, pointing a device at the Irken invader and pulling the trigger. The posterior surface appeared, and then the rest of the squid fell harmlessly to the ground with a splat.

Zim gave Dib a bored look.

"Apparently I have to work out some kinks, but I'll be back!"

"I'm sure you will," Zim said, grabbing the door, planning to slam it.

Gir appeared out of nowhere declaring loudly for everyone to hear, "Happy New Year!"

Zim gave the robot a confused look, and closed the door in Dib's face. He turned to his now twirling servant. "Happy what?"

"Happy New Year!" Gir repeated, "I heard it on the News Show!"

"Hmm, if the humans are talking about this new…year on television, then it must be of some importance!"

"***

"Welcome home, son," Membrane said as Dib came through the front door, "Do anything insane today?"

"I'm not insane, Dad," Dib sighed, "I have to go fix my Squid Launcher,"

"Mmhmm. Tell you're sister dinner will be ready in an hour. I'm making toast!" He held up a piece of toast, just for good measure.

"Kay. Wait, just toast?"

"_And _some other stuff…"

Dib walked into the living room and to his bedroom, "Gaz, we're having toast in an hour."

"***

"Computer, tell me what you know about 'New Year,'" Zim commanded the base's intelligence.

"_New Year: Human Holiday. Celebration of December 31__st__ changing to January 1__st__, or the 'New Year',"_

"And what does this celebration involve?"

"_Uhhhh… Fireworks, watching the ball drop at midnight, kissing loved ones at midnight, and drinking,"_

"So what you're saying is, if I stop the celebration, I can stop the New Year from coming, and thus take control of this planet; as the humans will want their year to come!"

"_That wasn't what I was saying at all…" _

"Excellent!" The Irken invader cried out in pride for his ingenious plan, "Gir, prep the Voot Cruiser, We're gonna take over New Year's Eve,"

"Yaaay!"

Moments later, Zim sat down to pilot the cruiser, "First, we'll sabotage the fireworks, causing destruction. It will be glorious!"

The alien and his robot flew into the city. It was easy to see the fireworks setup from the sky. It wasn't as big as the setup in New York City, but it could potentially create havoc. Zim loved havoc.

He landed the cruiser down inconspicuously in an alley not far from where the fireworks were set up. They moved swiftly, but quietly, knowing the area would be guarded.

"***

"_Computer…you know…year,"_

"…_Holiday…Decem-…-uary 1__st__…"_

"What the-?" Dib looked up from his defective squid launcher. He hadn't been making much progress, and it was nearly dinner time. Suddenly this static-y transmission was coming in from somewhere under his bed.

He fished a dusty device out. "Huh, one of my old Spy Bugs must have regained power. What is he up to?"

"…_Stop the celebration…Stop…year…Control this planet…"_

"I have to stop him! But how do I figure out what exactly he's planning?"

"Gaz!" he ran into the living room, "Zim's trying to destroy the new year! I have to stop him, but I don't know where to look!"

"He's on TV,"

"What?"

Gaz was still watching the news. This time it was a local, a helicopter was getting a shot of the city as people waited for midnight. The fireworks setup was visable, and so was a small green person and his dog making their way towards it.

"How is no one noticing this?" Dib asked, and then headed out the door with his Squid Launcher.

"***

He wasn't sure exactly what he was doing to the fireworks. The only thing he was certain of, was he was definitely messing with them. But he needed to work faster, he'd already hidden from passing security twice now, and it was only a matter of time before someone saw him. So he'd just have to finish this before that happened.

"Gir," Zim whispered, "have you finished with those over there?" Gir bobbed his head in a nod, "Good I think we've done enough to cause destruction!" He said the last word louder than he'd planned and quickly looked around. Luckily, there was enough people talking, that no one noticed his outburst. He gestured with his head for Gir to follow him, and started in the direction of the Voot Cruiser.

But he was stopped by a voice.

"Not so fast, Zim," said Dib, pointing his Squid Launcher, "I know what you're planning, and you won't get away with it!"

"Oh really?" Zim said, "I've already sabotaged the fireworks, Dib. And they'll be going off soon. There's nothing you ca-"

"Yeah, it works!"

Dib had fired a squid, sending Zim flying back a couple feet. Now the alien was struggling to pull the tentacles from his face.

"Woohoo hoo-hoo!" Gir screamed in a random burst of excitement.

"You know, at first I doubted squid would be a good choice of ammo, but now I'm pretty glad I kept it," Dib laughed.

"Ha ha haw, you fixed your gadget,"

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" came a voice over the loud speaker.

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes, Dib,"

"It's what you've all been waiting for. Time to set off the fireworks!"

"Wait, if the fireworks are going to freak out, aren't you going to get caught in the middle of it too?" Dib asked.

"Nonsense, I'll be in the cruiser and back home before they light the fuse,"

Dib pointed at the fireworks, and Zim turned to look. They were lighting the fuse.

"Oh…"

They watched as the fuse was lit, and the first firework sprang to life-

-and then fizzed out. The next five or six did the same thing

"We seem to be having technical difficulties,"

"Just as I planned!" Zim declared.

"No you didn't," Gir piped up, "You said you wanted to cause destruc-"

"_Just_ as I planned,"

Unfortunately, the universe just loves to mess with people, and one of the last fireworks shot op into the air and spiraled out of control. It looped and then shot right towards the alley where Zim, Gir, and Dib were standing.

Gir threw his arms up and started running in circles, screaming. Zim and Dib dove to the ground, covering their heads and hoping it wouldn't kill them.

There was an explosion, and the sound of sparks hitting the concrete.

"I'm ALIVE!" Zim cried, "Victory!"

Dib sat up, his ears were ringing like crazy, but as far as he could tell, he was fine.

"Gir, we're going home,"

"***

"New Year's Resolution?"

"It's what you plan on doing now that it's a new year,"

Zim and Gir had since returned to the base, only to realize that stopping the fireworks hadn't done anything to stop people from celebrating, and by extension, nothing to stop the new year from coming.

"So if I said 'This year, I plan on taking over this planet' that would be my Resolution?"

"Mmhmm!"

"Alright. I imagine Dib's would be something like 'I plan on stopping Zim and saving Earth once and for all!'"

"I imagine!"

"Yes…"

"I wanna eat mashed potatoes!" Gir looked down at his lap, happy to see he was holding the bowl of mashed potatoes he'd made earlier that day. "YAS!"

End.

Author's Note: I started this sometime between 5:30pm and 7pm. It is now exactly 11:22pm as I type this. Talk about boredom. And it's not even that great of a story…

And that, my dear readers, is what happens when plot bunnies meet Baby Bottle Pops.

So with that, Thank you for reading, tell me what you thought, good night, and happy New Year.

Oh, and yes. Squid Launcher seems familiar to you because I stole it from Despicable Me.

~TMNH


End file.
